“The notion that adults should do all they possibly
can do to advance the self-esteem of children is dying a slow but hopefully
unavoidable death.
Research done by a number of objective folks, most notably
Roy Baumeister at Florida
State University
Thankfully, I am a member of the last generation of
American kids who were not allowed to possess high self-esteem. My mother and later her second husband did
all they could to repress my Inner Brat, for which I am most grateful. (I did not, however, appreciate their efforts
at the time.) When I had an outburst of
high self-esteem, one of them would tell me I was ‘acting too big for my
britches’ and needed to size myself to the psychic garment in question before
they were forced to lend a literal hand.
Then there were those occasions when, without reprimand,
one or the other of them would say, ‘It would be good for you to always
remember that no matter what you accomplish in this world, you are really just
a little fish in a big pond.’ It’s very
helpful for me to remind myself of this on a regular basis.
Everyone in my generation heard these very healthy things
from their parents. I estimate that
there are fewer than 10 parents in America
really too bad for his/her
child. It’s bad for all of us, actually,
because the research also finds that the higher a person’s self-regard, the
lower his regard for others. (It is also
noteworthy that high self-esteem puts the individual at high risk for bouts of
severe depression.) People with high
self esteem want to be paid attention to and served. They believe in their entitlement. On the other hand, folks with high regard for
others pay attention to others and look for opportunities to serve them.
It is unarguable that culture is best served, preserved,
and advanced by folks who fit the latter category. Entitlements weaken, and a culture-wide
entitlement mentality weakens the entire culture. Along these lines, every single manager,
employer, and supervisor with whom I have talked in the last decade or so has
told me that today’s young college graduates, by and large, are not looking for
work; rather, they are looking for benefit packages
(i.e. entitlements). They can’t handle criticism, I’m told. They are loathe to do more than ‘the
minimum,’ yet they expect promotions.
The list of high self-esteem symptoms goes on and on. This is corrosion. It threatens America
Raising a child who possesses high other-regard simply
requires that parents do what our great-grandparents did. They put their Marriages first, not their
kids. They gave their kids all that they
truly needed and very little of what they simply wanted. They assigned daily chores from age 3
on. They expected their children to
always do their best, in whatever setting.
Their beds were for adults only.
They rarely helped their kids with their homework. They did not serve them individualized
dinners. Family came first, not
after-school activities, and so on. This
parenting paradigm is as workable today as it was when I was a child.
In fact, a small number (but I sense it is slowly growing)
of parents have made the conscious decision to create this retro-revolution in
their families. Surely, they are the
salt of the earth.”[1]
I was directed to the above article by a very special
family member. Since I can’t agree with
it more and couldn’t state things better, I copied it here. Expound though I might, the basics are all
stated in it.
I have always heard, and know it to be true, that adversity
builds character. Those who are
sheltered from the constantly occurring consequences of life will always be at
a disadvantage. The lack of building
coping mechanisms in childhood renders one incapable of appropriate responses
and reactions in adult life.
I am not advocating that beating the ‘holy bajesus’ out of
your children is the answer, but rather the firm yet gentle admonition of a
loving parent. Corporal punishment is
not however out of the question (with restraint) in those situations where
deemed necessary and all else has failed.
I have lived long enough and seen enough to have seen the differences in
the work ethic of recent generations as compared to mine. This same lack of personal responsibility in
the work place bleeds over into personal and community relationships.
Personal responsibility is absolutely necessary in a free
and just society. That is why our founding
fathers wrote the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution with the
wording that they used. I am absolutely
convinced that they would be astounded by the society in which we live. When they referred to Providence
"I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. ‘Tis the business of little minds to shrink; but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death."[2] As I said, adversity builds character. It takes a good character to benefit society. Those self absorbed, self-delusional and high self-esteemers just don’t qualify for true leadership. To be a true leader one has to know and understand the value of serving others rather than being self-serving. Being self-serving only leads to further aggrandizement and power seeking of the individual. Thus, they are the ones who think they know better what you need than you do, and therefore try to legislate your freedoms. Your freedoms come from God, not from man or any government. “Life’s tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late.”[3]
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